Being in bed with a man is an
exhilarating experience, especially when it’s someone you’ve had
a crush on since university. Airnori was in front of me, one leg
wrapped round my buttocks and all but devouring my neck with kisses.
I was giving him my all and caressing him with my lips and hands in
every place I could sensibly reach in my position.
“God, this is great.” I heard him
mutter.
“Yeah. It’s great. Is it what you
expected?”
“You kidding? Of course not. Oh Yu.”
“Ai.”
Yeah, I think you get the picture. A few
weeks before, I’d met up with a guy I hadn’t seen since
university, Airnori Uchida. Me? I’m Yusuke Ishinori.
He was the same guy I said I’d stay in touch with when my father’s
cancer came out of the blue. I’d managed to find him again, and
he’d agreed to stay with me in Kansai. My sister revealed that I
was gay, just like him. That night, I decided to make the first move,
to help him. He was obviously a bag of nerves. I didn’t want to
force him to do anything, but I also wanted... Well, we didn’t need
to force anything. I did need to help him. He had the weirdest
notions about needing to adopt a seme-uke dynamic when we need not do
anything of the kind.
It was the fourth day after he’d
learnt about me and I’d decided to help him out, and we’d decided
to have another go together. The first time had been more than
successful after a rough start, and I noticed later that it had
broken Airnori out of his shell a little. He’d chucked away that
weird manga of his at long last. I didn’t know why he’d bought
it, only that he didn’t need it any more. The next day he was
laughing, decided to go for a long run, and then we spent time with
my sisters again. He played with my youngest, and I had a chance to
talk with Hana.
“You knew?”
She nodded. “I knew. I didn’t know
what to tell him exactly when you first told me about him. But when I
saw him, I knew he was alright. I hope things work out.”
“So to I. You know,” I scratched my
head. “I never thought it would turn out like this for me. He’s
weird and brash and so shy, but I really like him.”
“He’s your other. Your opposite.
He’s the part of you that you’ve been missing. Talking of
missing, aren’t you supposed to be meeting your Sensei today?”
“Crap! Apologise to Ai for me.”
“Ai? Oh, Airnori. Sure.”
My Sensei was indeed waiting for me as I
rushed down the street towards her house, and she had reserved one of
her cooler expressions for me. She knew full well about my sexuality,
and she didn’t give a damn. She only cared about fostering my
artistic talents. She was the one who discovered me after university,
and even as she now helped me complete a sketch I had been working
on, she didn’t say a word about why I had been late. It wasn’t
until the very end, when I had completed my work and she was giving
me tea that she spoke.
“I heard your friend Airnori came to
visit.”
“Yes, Sensei.”
“Was he the reason you were late?”
“Partly that, Sensei.”
A long silence developed. My Sensei
chose her words very carefully when they meant anything, and they
always did.
“I wish you happiness. But do not let
it impact your studies in anything but a positive way. Art may depict
sadness, but it only thrives when the artist is happy. Paint when you
are sad, and the work is less than pitiful.”
“I understand, Sensei. I won’t be
unhappy. You’ve ensured that.”
“I didn’t teach you the skills of
art for you to turn them into a crutch if your heart is broken. Such
folly worse than painting with a saddened heart.”
“I understand, Sensei.”
“Do you? I must question that for your
own good. Can you, from the depths of your heart, say that you love
this man?”
“I can, Sensei.”
“Then tell him full to his face. Tell
him that you wish to spend the rest of your life with him, whatever
the future may hold. And if he refuses, that is his decision, not
yours, so do not carry the guilt. If he cannot see you as anything
but a physical shell, he is not worthy of you.”
“Thank you, Sensei.”
“Now, once tea is finished, I will
give you the rest of the day off. But do not think I will go easy on
you every day.”
“I will not. Thank you, Sensei.”
This was quite the occasion. It wasn’t
every day that my Sensei let me go with only half a day’s tutelage
done, let alone on a day when I’d been late. I had to come back
tomorrow an hour early to make up for it, but I still didn’t regret
her decision or mine. I was able to get home and tell Airnori all
about her. He looked concerned that she was a bit of a hard ass, but
I assuaged his fears. She’s strict when she needs to be for my own
good, but she isn’t heartless. I said that the rest of the day was
ours, and asked whether we could go up to the hill again. I was
surprised that he agreed, and when we were at the top of the hill, we
found a bench and sat down.
“No tanuki today.” he said, smiling.
“No. Say, Ai, I want to tell you
something.”
“Sure.”
“It’s actually why I asked for this
walk.”
“So what’s on your mind?”
I had to brace myself slightly. “My
Sensei said something to me today. She asked me ‘Can you, from the
depths of your heart, say that you love this man?’. I said I could,
and then she said I should tell this man to his face that I love him,
and that ‘if he refuses, that is his decision, not yours, so do not
carry the guilt’. And said that if he didn’t see me for more than
my body, it was his fault.”
I glanced at Airnori, who responded in
an irritated way. “Your teacher really is a hard ass. You sure she
isn’t a yokai waiting to eat you?”
“I admit she gives that impression
sometimes, but she only has my best interests at heart. Though she’d
never admit it fully to my face.”
“So do you?”
“Do I?”
“Love this man?”
“Yes, deeply.”
“Then tell him.”
I looked directly at him. “Airnori
Uchida, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you,
come what may. What’s your answer?”
Airnori remained quiet for some little
time, then suddenly he embraced and kissed me. I was startled, but I
didn’t resist. He then leaned next to my ear.
“I love you too, Yusuke Ishinori.
Don’t you ever forget it. I don’t care if it’s forever or just
for this trip, I’m gonna enjoy it. You’re the guy I like. Dammit,
Yu, I’m getting hard just thinking about it.”
“I’m not sure whether sounding like
that manga of yours is a good thing or not.”
“Hmm? Oh, sorry. It slipped out. But I
am–”
“I don’t doubt it, but there’s no
need to spell it out for me. Anyway, I can feel it.”
“I know. It’s like–”
“I mean literally feel it.”
“Eh?!”
“It’s prodding my leg.”
“Oh, sorry.” Airnori shuffled away,
turning beetroot red. “So sorry. I didn’t– Well, I wouldn’t–
Urg, this is embarrassing.”
“Tell me about it.” I began
laughing. “But at least you didn’t tell me to go find a kappa or
something.”
“You’re utterly impossible. Come
here.”
Airnori tried to kiss me again, and I
dodged slightly so his lips struck my neck. I then kissed him, and we
ended up playfully tumbling on top of each other on the bench. We
didn’t ‘get it on’ or anything like that, but we did kiss each
other until our lips went numb and our hands explored all that
decency permitted. We didn’t realise until Airnori glanced up that
a young courting couple – a man and woman this time – had walked
up and had been staring at us for perhaps the past minute. We must
have looked like protagonists plucked from the pages of a BL light
novel.
I don’t know what we should have done,
but we just burst into a fit of giggling and ran past the two as if
we’d been caught vandalising. They probably followed us with their
gaze, but all I could focus on was Airnori – his hand in mine, his
eyes fixed on me – as we ran back towards town. When we reached the
bottom of the hill, we stopped to catch our breath, then Airnori
spoke.
“Hey, when the holiday’s over, we’re
really gonna keep in touch, right? Maybe you can come and stay in
Tokyo for a while.”
“Sure. By the way, you don’t have to
act on it, but I really think you should make a crack at being a
mangaka. Alongside your other stuff.”
“You’re sure?”
“You’ve got talent. And I know you
can tell a good yarn. Go for it.”
Airnori laughed gently. “You’re
alright, Yu.”
“I should hope so, after what we’ve
just done.”
We laughed again and made our way back
home, talking happily. The evening passed in a flurry of talk and
laughter, like a dream. That night, we arranged our beds so we could
sleep together. It was enough just to be side by side that night,
eventually sliding into each other’s arms and dropping to sleep.
That night was bliss, and the dreams I had stay with me to this day.
They were good dreams.
The rest of his stay there went like a
breeze, and in between spending time with him, being with my family,
and attending my Sensei’s lessons, I didn’t have a lot of free
time. But then, I didn’t need it. Spending time with Airnori was my
free time, and it was wonderful. I was so sad when it came time for
him to go home. I stayed on the platform until his train was out of
sight, and when I got home at the end of the day, I felt hollow. It
was then that I knew I needed him in my life. I needed him so badly.
It was like a disease, but one that filled me with energy and hope
rather than draining me of both.
“You’ll see him again.” my sisters
said. “Guaranteed.”
I really wanted to believe them. I did
believe them.
It was another month before I got the
message from Airnori I really wanted to see in my email inbox. It was
an invitation to visit Tokyo for as long as I liked. I decided three
weeks was enough time, and having received permission from my Sensei,
I booked a hotel suit in Meguro City where Airnori lived, not too far
from his own home, and travelled down there with two suitcases and a
strong wish to hug Airnori when I got there. I got my wish, thought I
had to be somewhat delayed due to circumstances beyond my control.
As when I’d passed through the many
toll areas, I saw Airnori waiting for me at the bottom of an
escalator. Next to him was a young girl about a head shorter than
him, and when we met, he introduced her as his sister Hiroe. I
greeted her, and she was telling me in a bubbly way how thrilled she
was to finally meet me.
“I’ve been so wanting to see you!
Onii-chan’s told me loads of stuff. I never expected you to be
so... normal.”
Airnori went red. “Onee-chan, no need
to–”
“It’s alright.” I said, grinning.
“I don’t mind.”
It seemed Airnori had really been
telling Hiroe about me for some time. We spent a little time together
in Shibuya as a threesome, and I suddenly felt reassured – if his
sister was this alive, Airnori could loosen up and be an even greater
source of joy in my life. I asked Airnori whether he would like to
visit my apartment, and he agreed. Hiroe had another date to keep, so
it was just a matter of checking in, making sure I could receive
visitors, then having Airnori help me with my luggage. When we were
inside and the room door was closed, we each dropped the cases and
embraced.
“It’s been way too long.”
Airnori’s voice was unexpectedly soft. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you to.” my embrace
was perhaps even stronger than his own. “I didn’t want to stay
away for so long. I’ve only got my Sensei’s grace like this
because I worked extra hard and got ahead on my work.”
“Yeah. Feels like it.”
Airnori was feeling my hips and
buttocks. Not wanting this to degrade into that creepy scene from
Urusei Yatsura, I suitably but gently chastised him with a
gentle pinch for being so forward before I’d even unpacked. He gave
me a day to settle in, then we were off around Tokyo.
I hadn’t been really around Tokyo in a
long time, except when Airnori led me round in our university days.
He took us to a few of our old haunts, then on to new places he had
found in the intervening time. It was wonderful being with him, like
my entire world had returned back to that blissful time in our youth,
when all the world lay before us. It was great to just let our hair
down, let ourselves be ourselves in each other’s company, and
reminisce about the old days. Airnori went home for the first few
nights, then I reminded him that I could have visitors.
I didn’t know what to expect, but I
ended up having Airnori as a visitor that evening. Standing in the
doorway, sliding in alongside me as I opened it, I felt like I was
doing something erotic. I closed the door quickly.
“How’s things?”
“Can’t complain.” Airnori almost
immediately flopped on the bed. “Father’s out on a job, Hiroe’s
got someone having a sleepover. Your invitation couldn’t have been
better timed.”
“Thanks.” I grinned. “So... you’ve
noticed it’s a double bed...”
Airnori glanced, and saw he had indeed
lain on one half of a double bed. I walked round and flopped next to
him, then we gazed at each other. I smiled softly, he returned it, I
felt our hands interlocking. It was wonderful.
“So how’s Tokyo since you were here
as a student?”
“It’s different. I’ve grown so
used to Kansai.”
“I didn’t notice anything. Oh yeah,
I tell a lie. That cool family-run ramen bar we used to hang at
closed when the family head died. Apparently he was the financial
brains, and they didn’t want new management, so they closed.”
“That’s sad. That was good ramen.”
“Hey, there’s a good curry place.
Not as good as my curry.”
“You can cook?”
“Sure.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that while
you were visiting?”
“Didn’t seem to matter.”
“Well tell me next time. Getting all
the meals done... It’s not easy being a host, you know.”
“I know. Don’t get angry. Your face
goes all crinkly when you’re angry.”
“I thought you liked my face crinkly.
It didn’t stop you interrupting me in the middle of studies. I
think I lost a couple of points from my final exams because of you.”
“Oh thanks.”
I reached out and felt Airnori’s
thigh. It was delightfully full, but didn’t stray into that weird
‘fat’ class so many seem to think gay men prefer. It was unusual
to be lying together like this, but also oddly relaxing. Finally, We
each turned on our sides, facing each other.
“Do you think we could spend more time
together?” asked Airnori.
Next week, Airnori and Yusuke find the courage to commit to their love, but will both their families accept this unconventional romance? Next week, the grand finale; Part 4 - Family Matters.