My blog on many subjects, principally my writing and thoughts. My current project is The Cluster Cycle, published by Roan & Weatherford. Its first two entries are Starborn Vendetta (2023) and Lost Station Circé (2024).
Last year, I did a thing. On each day of June (aka Pride Month), for thirty days, I highlighted a creator of fiction--principally writers/novellists but that varied a little here and there--who was confirmed to be on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. This year, I've decided to do it again. Only this time, I'm going to be a little broader. I'm going to include authors (but not the same authors that were featured in either the social media posts or the round-up blog post at year's end), and composers and artists and others I feel a worth trumpeting in a month of variety that (despite what Google might want you to think) is very much real and very much still important.
So, here are my ground rules, which are mostly the same as last year but include some extra little bits potentially.
Rule 1: The creatives in question need to be confirmed either through their own words/actions, or personal anecdotes, to be on the rainbow spectrum. That means some figures with question marks over their head will not be counted. There may be some compelling evidence surrounding these people, but there's no confirmation about it and it's still a debated topic. It similarly rules out straight creators who wrote LGBTQIA+ characters. I may well miss some creatives that could have been better included on the list, and if so I apologise. Also, if you're wondering why some are not on here, check out last year's post which is both the main 30 I chose, and some named honourable mentions.
Rule 2: I'm going to try and provide a mixture of authors/creatives from across time periods. It would be surprisingly easy to go for a lot of classic and mostly now-dead creatives, but that would be too easy. Also it would be doing a disservice to multiple current creatives. I also hope to get a descent amount of BIPOC creators into it, so it can be shown it's not just whites who fall along the spectrum.
Rule 3: Unlike last year, where I restricted the list to authors and novellists and writers and the like, this year has no such restriction, and if anything will mainly focus on creatives in other fields. But I also don't want to go for the big and obvious names. So you may think "Where's Lady Gaga?", and I say "That's too easy." I want people who may still be well known, but aren't in your face all the time. I also will still be focusing on creatives, so don't expect a huge amount of theatrical performers on the list. Again, you might ask "Where's Ian McKellan?", and to that I say, "Plenty of lists exist for theatrical and film/television performers already."
Rule 4: A short rule, but simple. Some of the added breadth means I might end up accidentally including two creators who worked on one project or all projects together. I don't want the same names to be repeated all the time. This isn't to diminish their impact, but I want diversity in subject as well as representation in gender, sexuality and nationality.
Rule 5: I will try and say positive in general, but due to the fact this will be dealing with LGBTQIA+ figures from across history, some element of sadness or tragedy will inevitably make its way in. That, for the moment, is just the reality of things. Especially in the 19th and 20th Centuries when the terms and classifications became solidified, and consequently there was a set identity to discriminate against and criminalise.
After the 30 days, specifically on 6 July, I will be publishing a blog post bringing together slightly fuller textual versions of all the creatives I talked about. I may even have some honourable mentions which either don't fully fit the criteria, or have extenuating circumstances. Like last year, this may all crash and burn. But I hope it doesn't, and that I can contribute to the visibility of demongraphics that are under renewed attack from politicians, the media, and public figures.
So, here's to Pride Month. Hopefully we don't have a war in the middle of it all.
Massive warning. This is a post that will cover the story content of Baldur's Gate 3 in its entirety as far as my playthrough is concerned, so there will be constant and unrepentant spoilers for Baldur's Gate 3 in general, and the Dark Urge route in particular.
So, in April, I bought Baldur's Gate 3, the famous title developed by Larian Studios as a follow-up to two legendary titles with turn-based and dice-role stat-focused gameplay inspired by "Fifth Edition Ruleset" of Dungeons & Dragons. It also boasts a story set squarely within the lands of Faerun and the Sword Coast. And recently, through a bad bout of COVID, I had a chance to finish it.
Baldur's Gate 3 is good. I don't think people need reminding of that. I was extremely wary of getting it as my previous Larian Studios experience was with Divinity: Original Sin 2, which has a late-game difficulty spike (or perhaps overhanging cliff is a better visual metaphor) that dances wildly over the line into being cruel and unfair rather than challenging. But after much research and consideration, I dived in. And I chose a Dark Urge character, making them a male Dragonborn bard called Cai.
Meet Cai, dragonborn, hailing from Baldur's Gate, a Bard of some skill who wields dual swords and powerful magic. Has violent urges but is currently undergoing on-the-road therapy. Would like to meet attractive if impulsive and potentially explosive wizard. Monogamy tolerable.
I won't say this game's for everyone, it isn't. But it's remarkably approachable. I'm not that good at Tactical or CRPGs, but I was finding ways of completely monstering enemies. There were obviously gameplay moments that had me either reeling with laughter or tensing up or wanting to break something; barely passing a saving role that got me an unexpected ally, dodging attacks with a sliver of health left, hitting what I'll call "Larian moments" in Act 3 when some encounters turned from challenging to rather unfair, reactioning a half-spider to death, using my bard/wizard combo to obliterate a boss in three turns flat, blabbing a potential boss into killing himself, getting utterly lost more than once trying to find a darned place and perhaps going inside the wrong/unintended way, almost being killed more than once by tough bosses. You know, the things you do sometimes.
But the main experience I had was during this story, a stronger experience than I ever expected as I've spoiled myself on most of the major story beats and a lot of aspects of how a Dark Urge (hereafter Durge) run can go. During my 80+ hour first playthrough to not become a brain-eating soulless mindflayer, I successfully saved a druid grove while guiding tiefling refugees to safety (although I met a bard from their group and killed her in a trance in her sleep so whoops), liberated lands from a curse of shadow while reuniting a literal lesbian power couple, defeated a swamp hag (twice), accidentally left people to die in a burning building, accidentally let people die in an undersea prison, was unable to stop people dying in a factory, and stood up to gods and demons and soulless brain-eating monsters from across dimensions. And all without needing mods, a massive improvement over my previous Larian experience.
The story is actually pretty simple. Standard D&D fare even, and due to its very Tolkien-like style I don't tend to gravitate towards D&D proper. It's the characters that make the journey more than worthwhile.
As a writer myself, I tend to be hyper critical of characters, and I also tend to gravitate towards people that some others in the community are more than happy to disregard or turn into punching bags. See my liking for the cast of Final Fantasy XIII, which until recent reassessments was an easy target for being torn to shreds by fans who just want yet another Final Fantasy VII. I quickly had a thronging camp with their own historical and emotional baggage that they wouldn't always tell me about without some prodding and exploration. The mysterious Sharan cleric Shadowheart, the charismatic if sometimes pathetic Gale Dekarios of Waterdeep, Lae'zel the Githyanki warrior with a well protected heart of gold, the adorable yet explosive tiefling Karlach, Halsin who is okay I guess, the genuinely heartbreaking Jaheira, Minsc who I don't have any nostalgia for and seemed very one-note, the vampire Astarion who makes me want to stab him in half his interactions, and Wyll who is practically no-one.
This: one of the best scenes in the game. Period. So much emotion.
With the exceptions of Wyll and Minsc, I grew fond of the entire cast. Karlach is just adorable and surprisingly tragic, Lae'zel has a genuinely compelling growth arc into someone who could rebel against her tyrannical queen, Shadowheart's narrative is both empowering and sombre, and Gale is personable enough both within and outside his magical affliction arc that he's the character I decided from the outset that I wanted to romance. Even Astarion changed from a tolerated presence due to useful gameplay into a compelling and haunting take on the vampire archetype. Jaheira had strong old mentor whose seen one too many things vibes, especially as in earlier Baldur's Gate titles she had travelled with a person very like Durge, so had some historical baggage to unpack. Wyll will always be very weak even with his subplot of a demon contract he made to save his city which led to banishment, but it is interesting that you can let him choose whether he accepts the mantle of Grand Duke or remains a wandering swordsman, probably his only show of agency in the entire game. Completely wasted potential. Minsc is...eh, why was he included? I mean really, why? I don't even find him funny.
But most importantly and surprisingly, I loved Durge as a character (at least in the narrative route I chose to take). They may be a glorified customizable character in form, but in function they have a huge personal arc about their origins as Bhaalspawn, a pureblood child of Bhaal, Lord of Murder and one of the malicious Dead Three. There was a genuinely tense moment where I needed to make a Wisdom check to stop Cai from killing Gale in his sleep. It felt like Cai, a broken amnesiac saddled with a gory destiny by a malevolent god, would find a kindred spirit in a magician who was abandoned by his divine lover. I just felt right. And it culminated at the end with an option where Cai could accept Gale's marriage proposal and say he could have a "true family" at last.
The antagonists, at least while playing as a Durge, are also very compelling. Human agents for the Dead Three dubbed the Chosen, they each have some surprisingly deep and fitting storylines, although you do need to go hunting at times. Ketheric Thorme is a man broken by tragedy who turned to the Bone Lord Myrkul and became his puppet. Enver Gortash was sold as a magical slave to a warlock, and formed a pact with Bane, Lord of Darkness, and became a powerful power broker and politician. Orin, a shapeshifter and murderous psychopath, has a deeply disturbing backstory that I won't describe in detail, but it's little wonder she is so unbalanced, and so jealous of her Bhaalspawn sibling--aka Durge--that she is responsible for their current mindflayer infection, their amnesia, and usurping their place as Bhaal's Chosen. Each Chosen holds a sinister grip over their realms, either through dark sorcery, financial and military might, or old-fashioned terror tactics.
The most tense and non-annoying moment in Act 3, when the Durge's Bhaalspawn origin is confirmed, was when Cai confronted Orin in Bhaal's temple. Orin had been popping up repeatedly using vessels to taunt and test Cai, and finally kidnapped Lae'zel. Honestly, I was completely taken off guard by this, as whoever is kidnapped is random. I'm glad I reloaded and actually won the fight, as the alternative of losing but still "winning" is frankly terrifying. That I successfully defeated Orin and defied Bhaal was a huge narrative rush. It's very well written and the performances in-game both in terms of voice and motion capture are truly compelling. Just sad we couldn't see more from Gale (or any other romanced character) about Cai's sudden temporary death before being revived by another figure who is probably a god but won't confirm one way or the other.
The Durge who seeks redemption and forgiveness fits in with a lot of the arcs in the story. Halsin and Wyll's (hideously underwritten) respective paths are to correct perceived unfinished business, Shadowheart and Gale can go on journeys to break away from divine will, Astarion's whole story is about either escaping an abusive relationship or being broken by it into pursuing power at any cost, while Karlach, Lae'zel and Jaheira are focused on loss and betrayal. Minsc is....Minsc, in as much as he has barely anything and I don't know why so many people like him. That my Durge Cai would help them, steer them away from self-destructive or false paths, would be there no matter what even if it was with some scathing remarks, and create a found family to surpass his bloodline, seemed only right and natural.
The proportions are super off and I decided Cai was kinda into leather, but this is a wholesome scene, I promise.
Something I do like, but wasn't expecting to, is the "Emperor", aka a Mindflayer with free will, aka the Dream Visitor, aka Balduren, founder of Baldur's Gate and both lover and murderer of the dragon Ansur. I can see why a lot of people would hate him, although the game does its best to have him be a sympathetic figure. Even all but forcing you into a "romantic" interlude. I won't say he's truly sympathetic, but I also don't think of him entirely as a villain. In the strictest sense, he never truly "lied", but he did omit swathes of his past to present himself in a flattering way. You can forgive him for that, but I decided that Cai wouldn't trust any mysterious authority figure further than he could gut them, so their relationship remained cautious and antagonistic. It ultimately felt like the Emperor was a tragic figure, someone corrupted by his turn into being a Mindflayer, who lost most or all personal connection over time, and when we turn against him in the end checks out. Some might describe him as toxic, but I think that depends. I saw him as manipulative, but ultimately pathetic and really clingy. Killing him felt like a mercy at the end.
Speaking of which, the ending was...wow. And also hard to get at times as I was going a specific route, and even at max level with some overpowered abilities, I needed to watch it with fighters like the vampire lord Cazador, the Steel Watch guardian Titan, the demon Raphael, Ethel the Hag in her ascended form, the now-zombie dragon Ansur, and of course the Netherbrain itself. And then at the harbour of Baldur's Gate, Cai convinced the mindflayer-turned Orpheus to keep on living and see his dream realised, watched Lae'zel fly away to a new war against the false god-queen Vlaa'kith with a final parting glance that showed real emotion, saw Astarion flee as the sun started to harm him again, saw Gale decide to give the Crown of Karthus to Mystra and begin a mortal life again, and persuaded Karlach to go with Wyll to Avernus to save her life. Then the epilogue, six months later, when everyone gathers anew. Everyone has found some measure of personal fulfilment; be it Shadowheart's quiet life with her rescued parents, Astarion becoming a shadowy avenger for good, or Karlach revealing a plan to repair her heart. Cai and Gale had made a peaceful life together, everyone was rebuilding or moving on or fighting for a cause of their choice. Their pasts no longer defined them. When Cai took the toast to his companions, "[his] true family", Withers made the final toast to everyone present, and everyone cheered, I had genuine feelings flowing through me.
*Down, Down, Down by the River...*
After that bit of high prose, I would also like to remember some moments that were just complete comedy gold. During one bit, Cai went to a disciple of Loviatar, the goddess of pain, and basically getting an extremely intense spanking session where all skill checks were first time. With Astarion and Shadowheart giving snarky commentary in the background. I knew Astarion would make comments from another player's stream archive, but Shadowheart just chimes in and they turn into a background double act. Some of Cai's Bardic responses, such as after interrupting a bugbear and an ogre mid-coitus, were also hysterical. Gale bringing up an erotic book in the middle of a shadow-cursed land is also funny because of its timing. And also flying around a door rather than opening it was so out of nowhere that I just cackled like a maniac.
And apropos of Gale, somehow Cai gave Halsin the hots for him and I ended up in a brief love triangle situation where I had to put Halsin off, talk with Gale about it, then politely turn Halsin down as Gale didn't want a menage a troi. Also Cai had to refuse the Emperor's advances, gently avoid raising the topic with Lae'zel who was clearly attracted to him, deflect the attentions of a pair of courtesans at Wyrm's Crossing, literally fight off a Cambion in the House of Hope-- Seriously, was Cai stolen from the crib of Sune or something because everyone's thirsty for him. If I hadn't been going a monogamous route with Gale, I'd have ended up with a harem by the end.
Also, readers should bear in mind this is just my one playthrough on one story path, where I chose a particular ending to go for. There are Durge endings where they can embrace their path or simply go insane. There are the other "Origin" characters, AKA the rest of the cast barring Halsin, Jahiera and what's his name again, oh right Minsc. Then there are the custom characters, who are generally nicknamed "Tav", though why I'm not sure. But these all feel like they miss a lot of the story context which makes the antagonists and the final sequences so rich and filled with payoff. It feels like a Durge defying their nature is the "canon" playthrough, with others being non- or semi-canon alternatives like Bards telling different versions of the story over time.
So, after all that, what did I do? Well, I decided to uninstall the game. I will certainly play through it again in some form, but not immediately, and probably not for some time to come. I need time to pass, I need to play/watch/experience something else. But I won't ever forget my own journey through the lands of Faerun. The friends I made, the enemies I felled, the stories I began or ended, the hope I sowed, the fate I defied, the times I had.
Good night, sweet ones. And in the words of the Game Master...
It's exactly what it says in the title. The newest episode of my podcast is live. Fully scripted, and thoroughly fan-based. Because I'm looking at a series that I've got something of a love-hate relationship with, the cyberpunk RPG series Deus Ex, which I'm fully convinced is jinxed since it has suffered from uneven commercial performances throughout its life. Below are the two versions I created for YouTube and Spotify. (apologies for a lack of fancy links/displays.)
I'm putting a lot more effort into overall sound quality, music usage and scripting with this new series, so hopefully those who want to listen will find enjoyment. I'll be releasing episodes on a monthly basis, with the next one being a journey through my writing life. But for now, enjoy a look at a series I should dislike. But don't.
