My blog on many subjects, principally my writing and thoughts. My current project is The Cluster Cycle, published by Roan & Weatherford. Its first two entries are Starborn Vendetta (2023) and Lost Station Circé (2024).
Today's the start of a new article series: me, an anime lover, talking about anime I've watched and my opinions. Today, one of those that will doubtless become a modern classic. The Apothecary Diaries, produced by Toho and OLM and based on a novel series by Natsu Hyuga, is set in an alternate world based on Tang Dynasty China and follows Maomao, a woman trained in apothecary and medicine, who ends up working in the Imperial Palace and collaborates with the mysterious official Jinshi on a number of cases.
The premise of The Apothecary Diaries seems...mundane? Almost rote. But the way the setting has been constructed is incredible. There are so many complex relationships within this series that it can make your head spin. But if you know even a little about how complex and fraught Imperial Chinese clan and dynastic politics were, you will soon realise this is a surprisingly faithful interpretation. Schemes within schemes, long games, subtle one-upmanship, and the dynamite of not having a designated successor. It also doesn't shy away from the brutality of Imperial law and how the dynasties stayed in power: it doesn't show overt violence very often, but it makes clear the penalties of that era which have been carried over into this fictionalised version.
But it's the writing and characters that truly make this world so engaging. Maomao is one of the most engaging and down-to-earth protagonists I've met in a long time, regardless of gender. She's also one of the best-written female characters I've seen not just in Japanese media, but in general media. She doesn't feel like the shrinking flower many other non-warrior Asian women are in media. Indeed, most of the women in this series are a joy to watch, either for their personality and interactions up front, or their growth. Yes, some fall back on stereotypes, but they are the minority rather than the majority. Across the two seasons it's figures like Consort Gyokuyou and her attendants, the other consorts and concubines, the many maid servants, the bouncy and enigmatic Shisui, the aloof and tragic Suirei, the women of the Verdigris House, and the greater majority of the antagonists that really hold your attention. Despite being set in a patriarchal society, or perhaps because of it, it's refreshingly focused on the roles and limitations of women.
Of course I can't not talk about Jinshi, Maomao's superior and would-be love interest. I love how he is initially portrayed as frivolous and infuriatingly serene, but the more we learn about him and his role within the Imperial Court, the more his mask of the beautiful youth slips away. There is the big red flag of the fact Jinshi outranks Maomao in social status many times over, and there were a few times he edged towards overstepping a line with Maomao before fate or someone else intervened and made him look and feel foolish. I don't know how this relationship will go before it starts becoming properly toxic, but I can only hope that there is a way it can be resolved. There are a few other male characters like the attendant Gaoshun and the dog-like Lihaku, but it's telling and charming that their primary purpose in many sequences is comedic relief or as an extra official arm for Maomao.
I've recently finished watching the first two seasons of its anime adaptation, which cover the first four volumes of the light novel series. I'd seen clips of it through Crunchyrole's YouTube channel, and been intrigued. I have a soft spot for very well written court intrigue. Not your standard fluffy fare, but one where it really feels like there are stakes. And if you like political drama with real heart, and without gratuitous violence, then this is absolutely a must-watch. It's one of the few series set in this culture that doesn't focus on a hyper-masculine wuxia overtone, instead staying grounded in the actions of one woman whose low status means her life is worth less than nothing to almost everyone in the court. And it's also a refreshing fictional world that creates an alternate Imperial China without falling back on magic, instead creating an original grounded story inspired by true history.
Fun fact, this was going to be a blog post, then I realised it would make a good episode of Author Talks, and decided to combine it with a short story reading. Specifically a reading of "The Cleaner" (with some on-the-fly amendments for grammar and flow). Otherwise, enjoy this episode which also features updates, and my experience with how video game music helps me write.
IMAGE CREDIT: AUTHOR WEBSITE. BOOK COVER DESIGNED BY MATT AT INKSPIRAL DESIGN
In a previous post, I gave a recommendation to a duology of sci-fi novels written by Stephen Cox, Our Child of the Stars and OurChild of Two Worlds. Out of curiosity, I decided to buy the paperback of Cox's newest novel, self-published for paperback and ebook. That novel is The Crooked Medium's Guide to Murder.
The set-up is simple; taking place in 1880s London, Mrs Ashton and Mrs Bradshaw are lovers who mainly live off of Mrs Ashton's work as an evangelical spiritualist medium. Mrs Ashton has a secret ace up her sleeve; she can "read" people she touches, sensing their emotions and memories, lending her claims some validity. One day, a noble client seeks to hear from her mother-in-law, but her husband appears to stop it, and Mrs Ashton learns from reading him that he is not only a cruel and violent character, but has killed at least once in the past. Under threat from the husband's social and political connections, Mrs Ashton decides to investigate the matter.
In terms of genre, the best way I can describe this novel is 'historical low fantasy mystery". The story certainly doesn't go the way you think it might from the opening eight to ten chapters, which are basically all set-up for the meat of the story set in the English countryside. I think the best way I can describe the pacing is that the first third is over-slow for my tastes, but never so slow as to stop me reading. Then for the next two thirds, it picks up the pace aplenty with events and twists I won't spoil. The language is a part of that pacing, as while it's not entirely done in the style of Braddon, Collins and Doyle, it does have dashes and flavours of their approaches to writing.
Is this novel perfect? Well, no, but then nothing is. It does rely on some character cliches early on, though many are thankfully subverted. I think my biggest issue is with the character of Mrs Bradshaw. Compared to Mrs Ashton and the couple's hired help Maisie, Mrs Bradshaw feels underdeveloped and relies a lot more on her trope of the harsh Irish lass who will clobber unwanted male attention than the deeper characterisation given by Mrs Ashton's troubled past and Maisie's family responsibilities. There are also a couple of issues with the book's current printing: a few typos, one incomplete sentence. But those are well within the expectations of a self-published work, and throughout the book I only ran into less than half a dozen.
Even with these reservations, I would definitely recommend you check out The Crooked Medium's Guide to Murder. Not only are you supporting a good writer's first self-published effort, but you'll be treated to a neat little piece of historical fiction with an enjoyable lesbian couple in the lead, and an actually intriguing mystery.
During this last three days, I've been sporadically attending events at WorldShift Summit 2025, and one of the bits that I attended and found interesting was a talk titled "Writing Identities Not Your Own: Speculative Fiction", hosted by author Alex Temblador. During the course of the talk, there were points raised regarding sensitivity readers, research, and making the choice just not to write something (a choice that more authors should follow). I remember commenting in the chat about some areas that I had decided not to touch in my speculative writing, but the thought persisted. It also came to mind with other things I'd encountered, including a discussion within the PBS Storied YouTube posts, and this video from Overly Sarcastic Productions on urban fantasy.
So, I'll freely admit that in my early writing, I didn't have the full sense to not use certain pieces of belief systems or history. I used them, and thank all the deities that writing will never see the light of day. It's not just that it's subpar in quality, but it also ignores.some very basic rules of etiquette regarding cultural representation. There are some things which are relatively open for the usage, such as belief systems or pieces of history that are so far removed from the present day they might as well have happened in another realm. Ancient Egypt, Greece and Rome, the pre-Roman Celts, the pre-Christian Norse, and Japan.
But there are some pretty large areas where I don't feel comfortable treading. Many of these are places not only with active and living participants in a belief system, but also countries which have been victims of 19th and 20th Century colonialism, and places where there is already a literary tradition which is finally breaking through to a worldwide audience. You may call foul for having mentioned Japan, but I've noticed that unless an adapter is wholly disrespectful or malicious, Japanese people don't seem to mind as much when their Shinto beliefs are used for fiction. I may be wrong about this, please correct with examples if so, but their attitude seems a lot more--to mix metaphors--laissez faire.
So here are a few big examples of stuff I won't touch for some reason. Extant believers
*Native America: This is a very solid line that I've drawn for myself. The Native American belief systems are a much-denigrated, much-misrepresented, and much-persecuted way of seeing the world. Some of its symbols, such as dreamcatcher charms or what in English is called the "wendigo", have bled into popular culture while losing most of their significance to those who first spoke of them. They're frequently used in a context which is more than a little racist, and while I'd want to avoid those if I chose to use them, I'd rather not use them at all out of respect for the Native American populations whose living believe systems it is. As an example in this article, I won't focus on the Navajo yee naaldlooshii beyond this mention, since it's already misused and abused enough. Unlike a...certain culturally deaf author who shall not be named.
*Africa: A broad one with another very solid line. The rich and varied cultures of Africa have been one of the greatest victims of colonial attitudes during the 19th Century, which saw them as brutish and uncivilised because they were different in how their societies worked, how their knowledge was preserved, and what they chose to believe in. But just a brief look at the history of one country, take Ghana as an example, shows multiple cultural groups, rich history and artistic legacies, and deep folklore and mythology. Many will know of Anansi, a spider trickster from Akan folklore, but this figure is so much more fascinating than just his stories. And I wouldn't want to use Anansi because there are hundreds of thousands from within the Akan people who could write about him far better than I.
*The Indian Subcontinent: Now I must make the line a bit fuzzy here not because I feel I can't write about the culture, at least from the perspective of an outsider, but because its folklore, mythology and religion is dense and far more intricate than someone not versed in that tradition could understand. And on top of that, unlike what might seem like parallel belief systems such as Ancient Greece and Rome, the Hindu sampradaya, plus others such as Jain Dharma or the Sikh or the teachings of Buddha, are a still-practiced and active religion. According to some surveys, the Hindu faiths collectively are the third-largest practiced religion in the world. And while some pieces of fiction have butchered this religion for entertainment (looking at you, Temple of Doom), I prefer not to.
*Abrahamic tradition: I'd initially labelled this section "Jewish traditions", then realised this easily extends across multiple belief systems which fall under the Abrahamic umbrella Today more than ever, there are a lot of hair-triggers surrounding use of perceived misuse of this belief system in a speculative medium. I don't want to use the Golem as it's deeply embedded in aspects of Jewish history and folklore. I'm steering well clear of Islamic belief systems as there is a lot of nuance and strong opinions that I don't want to tread on. There are some aspects of Judeo-Christian beliefs that people have become less tetchy about, but even then I'm not comfortable using them in a big way. As a reference or a template, sure. But unless I really do have a lot of confidence that I'm writing it correctly or in a suitably tongue-in-cheek style, I'd rather not
*South American pre-colonial: This is a more fuzzy example, as the belief systems native to that area, while still practiced to a degree, aren't the mainstream anymore. But there is a ton of aspects that either isn't readily accessible, or just can't be accessed at all. The belief systems of pre-colonial South America are rich and intriguing, filled with nuance and depth. But due to a combination of time's unfriendly march, and systematic destruction by the Spanish of that culture in a brutal wave of oppression and conversion, little primary evidence survives. We have clues, a few surviving documents, and a mountain of deeply-biased accounts from Spanish colonials with a vested interest in painting the peoples of South America as brutal savages. So while I might use a reference to them, I wouldn't want to portray the deities in fiction any more than the people who worshiped them. It feels disrespectful.
*Mainland China: This is a tricky one in a different way, as there are some aspects of Chinese tradition which have become very much internationalized through the popularity of fiction such as Journey to the West and Water Margin. I also admit that I created a story on this very blog which was a tongue-in-cheek homage to Journey to the West. But there are still some parts of its culture and belief systems I don't want to handle. It's even more important as aspects of that old culture seem to be under attack from its present government, meaning it may become increasingly up to diaspora populations to preserve them. There is a prominent example of a Western take on "Chinese" folklore, BioWare's Jade Empire, which I used to like but now just find deeply uncomfortable. It does have a slight escape clause in that it's not specifically using Ancient China, but still too close for comfort. Might have been more tolerable if they had Chinese creatives on the writing staff.
So, there we are. Some bits I don't want to touch, and some of my reasoning for it. These cultures are beautiful and rich, and they should be shown to the world where possible. And as a White British man, that isn't a task I should take on. It should be done by writers who can take those traditions and weave stories of their own devising, stepped in their own cultural background which will lend it a depth impossible otherwise.
Note: This is the script for a video which you will find at the bottom of the post. Hope you enjoy one or the other, or both.
Bionicle has been on my mind recently. Why? Well, not just because of the Lego group recently cancelling a fan-made video game project dubbed Masks of Power after eight years of tacit acquiescence. It’s because Bionicle was a formative part of why I became what I am; an author, trying to get into the market alongside all the other things I’m doing. Including living a ‘normal’ life.
I first encountered Bionicle in 2003 through the Lego Catalogue, where I was absolutely terrified by the Rahkshi. I ended up getting my first set in 2004. I forget whether it was one of the Vahki, or the Toa set for Nuju. Either way, I got submerged into the world of Bionicle. I was already into Lego, through things like Alpha Team and the various more generic Lego bits we had at home. But Bionicle was different, and I found it had a story which pulled me in hard. Even after I stopped getting sets in 2007, I still followed the story until its original finale in 2010. And I bought the movies. All four of them. For better, and in the last case...for worse.
The Bionicle fan community is, I believe, unique within Lego’s corpus. It’s going strong to this very day, and the Bionicle Media Project is continuing its dedicated work preserving what might otherwise become lost media. This includes comics, books, web games, video commercials, even restoring some long-lost cancelled projects.
So, how can I best show my own love for this series, as Bionicle is on a lot of people’s minds at the moment? Well, I guess I could talk about the movies that helped me love this series, as the original trilogy remains some of my favourite set of films, even after twenty years. Even after everything else I’ve watched. I’ve absorbed countless pieces of other media, including the more dubious video game titles, but the movies are some of the most easily accessible. I’ve got the DVDs still, so I might as well go back and look over each of them. And find out why I still like them, even though they’re technically aimed at...a far younger audience than I.
Bionicle: The Mask of Light from 2003 tells...half of the story of that year’s released sets. There is a lot of extra stuff that isn’t covered, and while you can follow along, there are some casual details in dialogue that non-fans won’t get. I don’t think it’s an issue in this case. Also fun fact, I first watched this film in 2004, so when I heard the village leaders or Turaga being referred to using the names of the Metru Nui Toa, I...think my brain had a minor freeze. Because... Wait, what, Vakama? Nokama?! What’s going on, what happened!?
Partly due to how much it cuts, and party due to its intended audience, I’ve got to say it isn’t the best piece of Bionicle media in my opinion. A lot of my feelings of good towards it are rooted in nostalgia from when I first watched it. I had literally never seen anything like it; the corruptive Rahkshi, the scheming Makuta, the odd couple dynamic of Jalla and Takua, the internal conflicts of the Toa. All fairly standard, but delivered with real confidence. But that’s not to say there isn’t worth here outside of nostalgia.
I think one of the best plot threads in this movie is with the Fire Toa Tahu. He is painted as powerful, but arrogant and stubborn. When he is poisoned by one of the Rahkshi, slowly falling to its corruption, it forces the Toa to come together regardless of any differences they might have had before, especially Gali, Toa of Water. It shows the theme of unity which is present in...pretty much every piece of this series’ media. There is also Takua’s slow acceptance of his role as the titular mask’s herald, and it has a climax which is genuinely moving even if it dances around some heavier stuff.
And as for the production value? It’s really good for a first time, although it really shows its age in some of its composition and overall quality. This is a movie made with love. The animation feels solid, connected, you can believe the different characters are interacting with each other even if it’s entirely CGI. And Nathan Furst’s musical score ties it together beautifully. It may be a synthesised orchestra, but boy does it have some oomph.
So the first movie isn’t the best. It’s probably the weakest of the original trilogy. But it’s also got the heart and soul which would stand this universe in good stead going forward. And it shows what the original trilogy would do best; nice characters, great animation, and peak atmosphere.
Bionicle 2: Legends of Metru Nui, released in 2004, is a prequel to the original that follows six Matoran as they are chosen to inherit the mantle of Toa and defend their city from an insidious conspiracy that sees them branded as criminals. Honestly, the story has aged too well for its own good in these times. A state police that oppresses more than it aids, secretive operatives who disappear people, a charismatic leader few seem able to overcome.
I’m not sure I enjoyed it as much as I do now partly because its themes weren’t as relevant to me back in 2004 compared to 2025. Also the characters’ struggles didn’t hit me as much as they do now. The story is all about rivalry, self-doubt, discovering yourself separate from other people’s expectations. Due to these, and the overarching theme of a city being overtaken by an unseen shadow, the tone is a lot darker than the previous film. There’s also a greater sense of kinetic flow, with more movement and action, which really brings characters to life.
Something that I fear must be mentioned is that is feels as if Bionicle 2 some parts either weren’t adjusted for rewrites, or some bits were cut. There were some cut moments from the first movie too, but here it feels more obvious. It suffers from the same issue as Mask of Light, in that it cuts about a third of the 2004 storyline, a whole initial threat from a sentient plant called the Morbuzakh. There’s also some clear asset reuse with a few characters that really breaks the flow.
But that doesn’t make this a weak movie. In fact, I think it’s my favourite out of the original trilogy today. My favourite part of it is Vakama’s struggle with self-belief, needing to mostly rely on his wits rather than his Toa powers to get himself and his fellows out of trouble. He really comes across as someone who had a role thrust on him, feels he should follow a set pattern, and isn’t doing very well. The performances really sell each of the characters, to the point that the voice work feels better than the first, even if it’s on a similar level. Similarly improved is the animation and overall production, and Furst once again delivers an entertaining musical score.
All of this comes together to make Bionicle 2 a fascinating entry, if a slightly uneven one. It’s my favourite out of the original trilogy, and features some real strides forward in terms of characters and plot. If it had been given more time, had a little more content, it could well be considered a classic outside the fandom. Honestly it feels like this entire trilogy is in a battle between runtime and content.
2005’s Bionicle 3: Web of Shadows, while a sequel in name, is technically an interqual, taking place during the last few events of Bionicle 2. I’m not sure what I expected initially going into this, but I knew the story would be darker. That was the whole marketing behind this year, we were going into dark and edgy territory. The quest of the Toa Metru to retrieve the Matoran, only to be mutated into half-beast forms by the occupying Visorak army, is still surprisingly compelling.
For one thing, the overarching atmosphere really carries the increased personal stakes, and given the age range this was being aimed at, its themes of struggling with personal growth and feeling foreign in your own skin are quite pertinent. Even more so if the viewer were grappling with something like gender identity. This was the first time I felt real stakes, and also the first time that sudden death was so openly and bluntly portrayed. It also feels the most complete out of the trilogy, like very little if anything had to be cut before release.
There is a slight artificiality with how Vakama has gone from anxious to arrogant, but it’s not too much of a leap that I don’t buy it entirely. The rest of the character dynamics are retained, and it fits the overall theme. And whatever anyone else says, Roodaka is one of the most intimidating villains in the series, and probably helped establish some of my tastes with villainy in general. Secretive, manipulative, apparently soft, but fully capable of destruction when provoked.
As to the production, I think the animation is the best of the movies so far, there’s real weight to things. And while the musical score isn’t as strong as its two predecessors, the voice work has absolutely taken a step up yet again. Alessandro Juliani is almost literally slaying as Vakama, and Kathleen Barr helping make Roodaka even more intimidating than she already is.
I’m not sure I’d consider Web of Shadows my favourite today, but it certainly was way back when. Maybe because the themes resonated more. And it’s still a great gateway into Bionicle along with the other two movies. It’s got maybe the best story out of the three, strong production, stellar performances, and it also closes out the movie trilogy’s story in a satisfying way. If you only watched the movies, you would get a complete story.
ERROR: BIONICLE: THE LEGEND REBORN COPYRIGHTED BY UNIVERSAL, INSERT IMAGE HERE
Bionicle: The Legend Reborn adapts the 2009 storyline—sort of—and acts as an attempted soft reboot of the series. Different studio, different cast, different world. I wish I could say I got this footage from my own DVD copy, but I got rid of that ages ago as I held no value for it, so the footage here is taken from the Bionicle Media Project. Mostly because...oh boy.
The story follows Mata Nui incarnated as a Toa-like being, arriving on the world of Bara Magna and becoming entangled in both a search to reclaim his people from his arch enemy, and an ongoing conflict between surviving pockets of civilisation on the desolate planet.
I’m sorry to say it all feels very....meh. It’s not that the story is terrible, but how it’s delivered in the movie feels borderline bowdlerised. The 2009 comics portray a brutal world beset by gladiatorial conflicts over resources, an entire tribe who regressed to an animalistic state, outlaws who prey on travellers. It’s not a happy place, and the background lore reflects that. But you wouldn’t know it from the movie. It feels very kiddy, and not in a good way. And many of the characters’ personalities bear little resemblance to how they appear in other media, or are reduced to bit-players when they had a sizeable presence in Mata Nui’s journey.
Another huge issue is the casting. The original trilogy used a cast from across the Commonwealth—Canadian, Australian, British—and most if not all of the cast had a background in theatre as well as voiceover. It leant a distinct tone to the movies. For The Legend Reborn, the cast uses more mainstream American voices for many parts, including Lieutenant Worf himself Michael Dorn as Mata Nui. And I’m sorry to say this, I think Dorn was hideously miscast. I just can’t take him or most of the rest of the cast seriously. That, combined with animation that feels disconnected from itself across any scene with character interplay, and an extremely subpar musical score that I’m only using in this video under protest, conspire to rob this movie of any atmosphere of mysticism and otherness the main trilogy had in spades.
It doesn’t help this film was intended as the first of a trilogy following the soft reboot storyline, except the line ended in 2010. They did wrap up the story through other media, but this movie ends the original continuity’s cinematic legacy on one of the most pathetic whimpers imaginable.
Oh yes, and a quite touch upon the 2016 creation. Bionicle underwent a reboot in the mid-2010s, and...it didn’t sell. It was retired after less than two years. Lego seems to have tried recapturing the spirit of the original with an animated series released on Netflix, titled Bionicle: The Journey to One. But it suffers from the same issues as The Legend Reborn, only worse. And...oh boy, I was not feeling the story in the slightest. I just cannot recommend.
Image source: CGI commercial for the 2003 Bionicle video game
A last point to talk of is how the films adapted the Lego figures themselves. There are whole documentary pieces from the development teams on how they turned these figures into CGI characters. I don’t envy the production crews the task of translating the designs between two wildly different mediums.
Technically The Legend Reborn is the most faithful to the sets, practically recreating them part for part while giving them greater movement. The irony is that this faithfulness turns them from actual characters into...toys. The original trilogy took creative license with the models to give them distinct body types, strong facial expressions, even elements such as hair and cloth analogues. It leant each of the models a realness.
And the 2016 series just look like a weird hybrid between static models and free-flow, with zero creative license.
Bionicle is a great story, a decade-long saga of unity, duty, and destiny. Of hope, despair, and perseverance. Of searching, sacrifice, and solidarity. And even if they’re not perfect, the original trilogy captures that atmosphere to a tee. It’s a shame the fourth movie is such an outlier and more an archival curiosity than anything recommendable, and that the reboot television series falls so flat. That still leaves you with three movies of a descent length that will be a fun watch.
I wish to extend my heartfelt gratitude to the production crew, actors and many others who got the original trilogy to happen. They created something truly special. And I think the last word belongs Vakama.
New legends awake, but old lessons must be remembered. This is the way of the Bionicle.
It's that time again! The next episode of Author Talks has been released. This time, I give listeners updates on how my work and life are going and what's coming. For the fiction offering, I do a reading of Voltaire's 1756 short story "Plato's Dream", which can be classified as either an example of science-fantasy, or of proto-science fiction depending on who you ask. Basically, a fun time for this fairly short episode.
"Nobody's perfect." It's a very common phrase. It's a joke, an excuse, a trope and a cliché. But it's also an unfortunate, literal fact. Personally, I dislike perfection. I think of it only as an unobtainable abstract. Leaders creating a "perfect" society, creatives striving for that "perfect" project, people trying to lead "perfect" lives. Aiming for perfection is an easy recipe for inferiority complexes.
At the same time, maybe try not to make colossal mistakes which undermine what you're trying to do. Let's start this off with what triggered these thoughts. The use of the word "female" as a noun. It's actively insulting, especially today, and it makes reading some pieces of fiction more difficult unless you put in a metric tone of cultural relativism or some hefty world-building that explains why they aren't using some other noun to describe an entire gender. This is present in Mass Effect because obviously 'woman' can't be applied to non-human non-male members of a society, right? Except when the writers slip and do use that, and wouldn't translation devices approximate for humans so that genders would be described using their own words--and I'll save this for November.
The mainspring is that Emily Inkpen made a point about men who use "female" as a noun. I assume in their everyday speech and writing. She, with impressive restraint, told them to get off her feed and unfollow her as she didn't have the time. I thoroughly understand, using "female" as a noun is just insulting. But then, a penny dropped. I have read some older literature, and as was raised during a recent discussion for an in-progress project related to this event here, I let some of my archaic inspiration leak into how the characters were talking. And I checked: had I used "female" as a noun? And...well, the results were slightly mixed. More usually I realised I'd been using the word "female" as an adjective, but sometimes it did seemingly slip. I haven't checked to see whether I was doing it to help characterise the person in the writing, but regardless the point stands.
For those who don't get what I've been going on about, let me define noun and adjective as simply as I can, as I'm by no means an expert in the technical side of language. A noun is a word used to refer to something, that being an object or a named person or a location in a sentence. So "noun went to noun" or "have you seen noun". There is the further distinction between common and proper nouns. For proper nouns, think of all the esoteric terminology in fantasy and sci-fi. Meanwhile, an adjective is a word which defines a noun, so "an adjective noun" or "out with that adjective noun", or even "noun, adjective, did this three times".
This was something else Emily Inkpen brought up on a reply through one of her socials, where she was pretty angry at the people trying to defend the use of "female" as a noun, probably without realising that the examples being used were technically "female" being used as an adjective. As in "a female voice", or a "female creature". In the Cluster Cycle, I was faced with the unenviable task of creating three other distinctly not-human species for humans to interact with, and I didn't want to use the terms "man" and "woman" to refer to their traditional genders. Mostly because to me, those words are strongly linked with the word "human".
Now, to deliberately use "female" as a noun is insulting and degrading. One might use it in a character's dialogue to signal as such. One shouldn't use it willy-nilly in their own speech, or their prose description, or whatever else. So when I came across those points, I felt more than a little embarrassed. I'll have to be extra careful going forward, because I know I might end up slipping again. I might write something unintentionally insulting and belittling. And today, with many people on a hair trigger, I need to be more aware of that.
I can take a small comfort in the fact that when double-checking, I found that I generally used both "male" and "female" as adjectives, which seems acceptable. I don't know if there's been any update on that, because not only are cultural taboos changing at lightspeed these days, but English is an inherently difficult language because it's both extremely gendered and gender-neutral enough that it causes problems. It's not like French, German, Japanese, Chinese, and dozens of other languages where gender is baked into words and grammar.
All I can do is remember that before it became an excuse and a cliché, the phrase "Nobody's perfect" had a real meaning. And while I can't be perfect, I can try not to be an insensitive author.
So, on Thursday 24 July 2025, I attended my very first awards ceremony; the Pen to Print Awards 2025. It took place in the Learning Centre in Barking, a town on the outskirts of London. And I had enough fun there that I feel the need to dedicate this week's blogpost to it. I'll recall as much as I can, but apologies if I forget some names.
A small introduction may be warranted. Pen to Print is a publicly-funded initiative which effectively sponsors writers and creatives who are residents of the UK. Their goal is to foster and expose new talent, be that in poetry or prose, accepting fiction and opinion pieces for their magazine, and of course hosting their awards for competitions they run. They have been going for close to a decade at this point, and their awards are varied and offer genuine exposure. The full list of winners and runners-up can be found here on Pen to Print's Instagram. This post is more of an emotive impression from an audience member.
The event that I attended on Thursday took place in a medium-sized conference room on the building's second floor, and while it was very hot, it was nice meeting fellow writers and publishers, and talking shop about aspects of publishing and writing. I was sure it would be an enjoyable evening regardless of what happened regarding me personally. At 7 PM, the ceremony started, with an opening speech from the main organizer Lena Smith, and from the sitting mayor of Barking and Daganham, Princess Bright. The first event was a special "Staff Writing/Poetry Award" as the organizers of the event weren't allowed to participate but it was felt that something should be done for them. The winner was Mazedda Bellevue for "Seasons Of Life", with the runner-up being Samiul Kayes for "Echoes Of Gaza". For the major awards after this, many of them were announced in a semi-joking manner using a golden envelope. It brought a chuckle to everyone, considering how meme-worthy the Oscars have become.
Then came two Speech And Drama performances on either side of the second award, which I'll get to at the end of this piece. Basically, we were given the performances, which were basically a monologue of sorts with some mild dramatization, then we were given paper slips to vote on which we preferred between Liyana Abhram's poem "A Walk In The Woods", and the monologue "News from France" by Julian Walker. Both were lots of fun to listen to. Next was the "Michael Feld Award", named for a local notary and patron of the arts, which was aimed at supporting the work of young people. There were two nominees; Key Stage 2 student Sanjana Arunkumar with "Rumble And Grumble" (which was a fun and funny little skit) and Key Stage 3 student Lurmaya Mathews with the poem "Chaos" (a visceral dramatization of what felt like a massive anxiety attack). "Chaos" proved the overall winner.
Then came the intermission, with snacks and drinks and talk. After that, and some minor drama with the mislaying of the voting bag, we were able to cast our votes. Liyana Abhram proved the winner, with a narrow margin that required a recount to make sure of the result. Then came the "Adventurous Voices" competition, which was split across three age groups and featured writing on a particular theme. There were nearly a dozen entrants who got some form of recognition on that stage. The winners in this category Daisy Higgins with "Elara And The Enchanted Rainforest!" in the Primary School category, Musfira Sharif for "Who Am I?" in the Secondary School category, and Patrick Blosse for "Off The Beaten Path" in the Adult category. All great pieces to hear.
For most of these that weren't orated on the platform, we got an audio sample of the winning pieces, which was more than incredible to listen to. The "Portry" award was given to Gillian Davies with "When The Streetlights Blinked To Life", a piece that can best be described as a nostalgic trip through pre-internet teenage urban life. Truly nostalgic. For the "Short Story" award, the winner was Lianne Warr with "Mouse", and...wow. The sample for that was positively chilling to listen to.
Closing out the ceremony was the Book Challenge awards. Basically a challenge to write a full novel in twelve months, with further mentoring and consultation as part of the prize. As it was ongoing, they instead had finalists appear, giving them awards for their efforts. The finalists were The Revenge Pact by Yana Yanovic, Misery Loves Company by Gulnaz Abdullah, Vigilantes Anonymous by Nick Burdett, The Fisherman's Daughter by Lee James Broadwood, and Elderwood by Ruth Frendo. There were no samples, but it was a nice way to round things off with the awards. The ceremony closed at around 9 PM with a final message from Saima Ashraf, including a poetic message relating to the current times of discord and fear being fostered by authorities the world over.
But, and I've saved this for last not to deprive anyone else of their deserved recognition, I was also the recipient of an award. All the way back in March, I submitted an audio play I'd created, "The Angry House", to their Audio Play Competition, which was being done in association with Alternative Stories. You may know them for Emily Inkpen's Dex Legacy series alongside other creations. It was just something I threw together in a brief amount of time, and I'll probably be able to share more about it later. But, in a moment that left me genuinely speechless, I won their award. And part of the prize is that "The Angry House" is going to be produced as a full audio play. The interval and the immediate aftermath before I returned to my hotel was both strange and...oddly euphoric. The nitty-gritty business aspect of what comes next starts after today, but for now I feel like I've arrived in a sense.
This is still a start, but a start is better than nothing. And it's likely the same for everyone else who has gotten exposure and validation through these awards.
This is overwhelming in and of itself, and it's taken me till today for it to truly sink in and for me to find the words to express it. There's nothing like the thrill of getting your first award, especially when you're sure you won't get it. I just froze momentarily when the words "Thomas Wrightson for The Angry House" were read out by Councillor Bright, and I had a photo taken with the award and the mayor. And then, remaining on stage by choice, I heard an audio sample created by Chris Gregory and Emily Inkpen of Alternative Stories, demonstrating a part of what would eventually become...a thing that everyone can listen to. It's an indescribable sensation, hearing your words for the first time being spoken by someone other than you. I imagine that's also how many of the other winners felt.
It may be a ways to go there if you live in distant parts like I do, but it's also worth it if you can. It's a fun event, with a chance to hear great pieces of work across a variety of genres, and perhaps begin either your journey outright, or the next part of it. Here's to the future, whatever that may hold. And congratulations and best to all those who submitted, and all those who have seen this recognition on an evening I won't soon forget.
So. This was a topic that came to mind due to the...everything that's happening. This episode of my one-person podcast looks at a phenomenon that's been going on for the last several decades; turning what are actually truly terrible times for everyone involved into visual appealing masterworks that I'm sure everyone would be totally happy living in to get that fashion. So sit back, grab a cool drink depending on where you are, and hopefully find something to enjoy or even laugh at in this one person's scripted rant.
YouTube and Spotify links are below (as hyperlinks because this blog can't handle links properly).
What happens when the name of someone or something vanishes into the past, irretrievable even by linguistic reconstruction?
Well, we tend to create new names. We're a very verbal species, and consequently names are important. Every culture in the world has names or terms for something, always with a rich cultural and social history behind it. But something that struck me some months ago as an interesting facet of how names work is that, sometimes, a name can be completely lost. And when that happens, it lends an interesting level of depth to something which might otherwise appear shallow or inconsequential.
Apologies for bringing it up, but a certain overly popular urban fantasy series by a non-kosha author has an antagonist whose name is so deeply feared that speaking it is considered like an unlucky omen or even a curse. So they are referred to using the epithet "[They] who shall not be named". Believe it or not, this erasure of names through fear or social prejudice is nothing new. Several periods of Ancient Egypt made a habit of rubbing out inconvenient periods, such as systematic attempts by pharaohs after Tutankhamen to destroy evidence and memories of the Amarna Period represented by him and his father Akhenaten. There is also the the notorious Venetian Doge Marino Faliero, who was not only executed but subjected to Damnatio memoriae, basically erasure from official memory with associated punishments.
The mythic power of names is also very common. From the Ancient Egyptian myth of Ra's true name being learned by Isis and granting her great power, to traditions among the Ainu people of Japan for children to have a false name for the first few years to deter evil spirits, to old fairy tales like that of Rumpelstiltskin, to modern interpretations from le Guin and Paolini where knowing a name literally gives someone power over it. There is even an interesting superstition surrounding bears, where to speak its real name was to make it appear. So they used a term that now is rendered as...bear. There were similar superstitions around speaking the names of deities like Hades and Persephone. Don't exactly want to attract attention from the literal king and queen of the Underworld.
Sometimes, names just aren't recorded because the type of language it was preserved in wouldn't have survived, or suffered a devastating blow. While there are plenty of names surviving for Aztec and Mayan mythical and legendary figures, many others don't have surviving names. The picture heading the article is of a figure commonly called either Teotihuacan Spider Woman or the Great Goddess of Teotihuacan. We don't know her by any other name, there's even debate as to whether she was really a goddess, but unlike the Flayed God (Xipe Totec) or the Feathered Serpent (Quetzalcōātl/Kukulkan) she doesn't appear to have cognates in later cultures. In fact, most of the deities identified around Teotihuacan have few or not later equivalents. We don't know their names, they're only known by modern epithets. The civilisation of Teotihuacan left precious little of their pictographic writing, and we also have little left of the writing of the later Aztec culture of the region because...Spain happened.
Historical and political figures have also done this on purpose. The most obvious example is the 'disappearance' of former colleagues of Josef Stalin who fell foul of his regime, which is almost certainly happening in other countries under present or attempted totalitarian rule. And in other cases, certain names related to the development of advances or technologies may be left out due to the inconvenient light they shine on an established cultural narrative. But there is also a more personal example, that of George I's wife Sophia Dorothea of Celle. Long story short, it was a deeply unhappy cousins marriage of state, Sophia Dorothea allegedly had an affair, and she was divorced and imprisoned for the rest of her life. Here, the damnatio memoriae was more by personal choice than official decree, in as much as George I didn't talk about his wife. Or his own complicity in the event.
There is an interesting aspect of the loss of names that stems from cultural norms, and that is China. Xiran Jay Zhao touches on this in their videos on Fu Hau, Qin Shi Huang, and We Zetien, but women's names in Ancient China were typically not recorded, though I don't have the resources to go into detail on exact cultural or social reasons. But it means that, while there are many prominent women in Chinese history, we know them more by titles or honourifics than by their actual names.
And don't think this is some far off and distant thing that we now totally never do. Erasure of names or faces from something is happening all the time. Particularly if said figure is involved, whether justifiably or not, in either negative cultural movements or criminal activities. From the games industry alone (my hobby area), there is the dropping of the voice and likeness of Pierre Taki from the international version of Judgment, the removal of Michael Jackson's musical contributions to Sonic the Hedgehod 3, or the scrubbing of Hideo Kojima from the marketing of Metal Gear Solid V. While the reasons behind these erasures vary wildly, and I have my own feelings on this kind of thing, it is both an understandable reactions from corporations wanting to protect their products and sets a worrying precedent in this digital media age.
For a long time, names and words were considered to have literal power. In some circles historically, you didn't say 'damn' to someone unless you really, really were prepared for them to be damned to whatever underworld equivalent existed. Today, one could argue they still have. Writing, whether fictional or journalistic (can be interchangeable, discuss if you wish), influences people's perceptions of a subject or person.
This post is getting rambling, but it is an extremely deep field of potential study that I only just seriously though about as I was writing this, and I realised there's a huge amount of additional research that could be done into the concepts of damnatio memoriae, the somewhat-related Streisand effect. But I'll leave on a final note relating to someone else who wrote about unspeakable things. H. P. Lovecraft commonly wrote about terrible and unknowable forces that drive one mad by mere knowledge of them. But here's the kicker; his creations would've been far more terrifying if they hadn't been named at all. If we didn't have anything but epithets to attach to the humanoid squid-faced dragon thing, we might actually be scared if we saw its idol.
Over the past thirty days of June, AKA Pride Month, I've been sending out posts on my socials. Once per day, I've highlighted a creative--be they writer, poet, composers or artist--who falls somewhere within the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. I did my best to cover several genders, incorporate ethnic diversity, and as wide a range of the spectrum as possible. You can read this post if you want to know more about how I put this stuff together and drew my lines so it was doable. Now, I'm going to give you my complete list for posterity and ease of reading.
1: Angela Morley, a British composer, prolific but slightly forgotten today. From classic British radio to film and television, perhaps Morley's most enduring work is the soundtrack for the classic 1978 animated film Watership Down.
2: J. C. Leyendecker, an illustrator famous in America's interwar period for his commercial illustrations. From the covers of Colliers to famous advertisements for men's apparel, Leyendecker was a major artistic force in his country.
3: Zanele Muholi, a photographic artist who has been using their medium to portray, document and confront the queer experience within the black communities of South Africa and beyond.
4: Yuhki Kamatani, a mangaka and illustrator who is a more recent arrival. While maybe best known for their debut manga Nabari no Ou, perhaps their most notable work is the highly inclusive manga Our Dreams at Dusk.
5: Jeannette Ng, a fantasy author originally from Hong Kong who is just as famous for her novel Under the Pendulum Sun as she is for her acceptance speech for her what-is-now Astounding Award for Best New Writer. She got it renamed with a speech.
6: Masha Gessen, a Russian-American journalist who has been consistently pushing for truth and inclusivity in both countries, no matter the risks.
7: Francis Poulenc, a French composer who was active in the first half of the 20th Century. His body of work is large and varied, from ballet and opera to songs and orchestral pieces.
8: Ethel Smyth, another composer, this time from Britain, and one disregarded in her day due to her gender. She also campaigned actively for women's suffrage during the 1910s, and was eventually awarded a damehood.
9: Cyril Wong, a poet, orator and literary critic who has also stood up and out as a prominent gay rights activist in his native Singapore.
10: Alan Ball, an American screenwriter whose body of work might surprise. From Six Feet Under and American Beauty to True Blood, Ball can be credited with some interesting pieces of fiction.
11: Audre Lorde, another American writer whose work encompassed a large field. I think the best summation of her comes in her own words: "a Black, lesbian, feminist, socialist, poet". Read her full piece, it's amazing.
12: Vikram Seth, a British-Indian author and poet. While he has a number of other works to his name, many will know him for the novel A Suitable Boy. I might also recommend An Equal Music.
13: Juliana Huxtable, a multitalanted individual from America if there ever was one. Writer, artist, composer, DJ, and rights activist for black and LGBTQ communities. Plenty more to say, but I've run out of space.
14: Manuel Puig, a Mexican writer who created inclusive and confrontational fiction at a time when his country wasn't kind to LGBTQ groups. Broadway goers may know him for the original book for Kiss of the Spider Woman.
15: Gabriel J. Martín, an American writer and psychologist who has made their career out of helping, in person or through writing, people suffering from the pressures created by intolerance of LGBTQ groups.
16: Ocean Vuong, a Vietnamese-American poet, essayist, and novellist. His debut novel is the episelatory semi-autobiographical On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous. Warning, it gets harsh.
17: Ambrosia Tønnesen, a Norwegian sculptor regarded as a pioneer in her field in Norway as rather than a hobby, she made a living from her busts and figurines.
18: Abdellah Taïa, a Mocorran writer and filmmaker who has created relatable and unambiguous queer characters for the Arab world, a feat in and of itself even today.
19: Maddy Thorson, a game designer and writer from Canada who is best known for her work on the platformer Celeste, inspired by her own experiences coming out as a trans woman.
20: F. W. Murnau, one of the defining directors that codified--at least in pop culture--both German Expressionist cinema and later horror. His best known creation--Nosferatu.
21: Rune Naito, perhaps not well known today, but a pioneer in Japanese art in the later 20th Century. He both contributed to the gay magazine Bakazoku, and is credited as a pioneer of the kawaii art style.
22: Lesya Ukrainka, one of the best-known writers on Ukraine's literary tradition, famous for her poetry and also known for her activism on behalf of women and of Ukrainian independence from Russia.
23: Alla Nazimova, a Russian expat probably best known in pop culture as the definitive Salome in the 1922 silent film. She was also a well-regarded pseudonymous screenwriter and producer of early adaptations of Trotsky and Ibsen.
24: Joe Orton, a British playwright who had a short and controversial period of fame before his untimely death. His work included biting black comedy and openly gay characters prior to the decriminalisation of homosexuality in the UK.
25: R. O. Kwon, "a recent name at last" I hear some of you cry. Originally from South Korea, Kown has made her mark as a writer to watch with just two novels: The Incendiaries and Exhibit.
26: Murathan Mungen, a Turkish writer who has worked on stage plays, short stories and poems alongside branching into music. He is also something of a figurehead for the Turkish gay rights movement.
27: Nibedita Sen, born in Kolkata, and a writer who has won multiple major awards for her speculative fiction, focusing on short stories and anthologies.
28: Akwaeke Emezi, another recent writer, this time from Nigeria. She has written across numerous genres, but is perhaps best known at the moment for The Death of Vivek Oji.
29: Ngāhuia Te Awekōtuku, a writer probably better known in her local academia than in the mainstream West. A scholar of Maori culture and an activist for lesbian rights in Aotearoa (New Zealand).
30: Ryan Sallans, another academic, this time from America. Sallans has built his career on writing, speaking, and advocating for LGBTQ rights.
Now, among the honourable mentions and potential candidates, there were...a lot. Frankly too many. I wanted to limit myself strictly to those for whom definitive evidence beyond their work was included. That's why I didn't include Shakespeare last time, and why I didn't include two female poets who might otherwise qualify--Emily Dickinson and Wu Zao. There were also plenty of others that seem to be included on lists of LGBTQIA+ figures, but didn't have any substantial commentary or reliably cited evidence. I know that may seem restrictive and pedantic, but I'm of the opinion that we should be true to history unless it's deviating in a number of other ways (looking at you, Our Flag Means Death, don't get me started on its complete abandonment of history)
In these times, when queer rights are once more under vicious attack--intentional or not--from exclusionary and discriminatory laws and governments, it's important to remember these people. Creatives old and new who stood outside the Western heterosexual norm that's been enforced for over two centuries. Our past is littered with both triumph and tragedy, and there's still a road to travel to reach acceptance and tolerance being the widespread norm rather than what they sometimes are, legally-enclosed exceptions. I hope you find inspiration in at least some of these people I've highlighted.
As for next year? Well, if I'm still around, who knows? Maybe some mythological role models for people across the spectrum. See you then!
So, in what's becoming a minor habit, I sum up stuff that's been going on for me in the first half of 2025, which has been...a year. For a lot of people. So here are the things I've been doing or managed to achieve. Think of it as something that everyone can read and think "Huh, I guess we can do something even in 2025."
Completed dev edits on my third book: My third Cluster Cycle book, The Murderer's Lament, has completed its development edits and is back with my publisher Roan & Weatherford. This was an...interesting one, since it's a murder mystery and I was expecting it to be picked to pieces, but instead most of it was more about tone and delivery proper punch, or eliminating redundancies with characters or exposition. It was fun to do, and gave me more confidence in the series going forward. Still gotta get through the last two, and who knows what'll happen with them.
Started the new series of Author Talks: More details here, but it's been fun and challenging creating a fully-scripted, more professional series of my one-person podcast, choosing a topic or piece of fiction to discuss each month between May and November this year.
Got some stuff done around the house and garden: After last year brought a cascade of upsets, setbacks and illnesses (culminating in five back-to-back flus one of which became pneumonia), I've actually been able to properly help with parts of the garden. Getting the vegetable area sort of prepped and usable, netting up our fruit bushes, bringing other parts of our large area under control again.
Decided to take a rest, didn't go as planned: Last year, I went to BristolCon and had a blast, but I realised I needed to take a year off that event at least for my love and enjoyment of it to still be present. You know, like needing to take a break from a food you really like so you can still enjoy it. I know I disappointed several people, but it was either that, or I wasn't going to enjoy it. But things happened, and it's not going to be as complete a rest as I imagined.
Found full comfort with my sexuality: I'd realised it fully and openly last year, but now I'm truly comfortable with the fact that I'm bisexual. It can be difficult to become comfortable, even for someone like me who doesn't have any hangups of LGBTQIA+ communities. Heck, I've got multiple family members who fall within that spectrum, and a wider family as a whole who is accepting in the best way. But...still took some time to realise about half of my fictional crushes were truly on men, and that I have certain types. It's made my bristling feelings about still-pervasive bisexual stereotypes even sharper, but that's a story for another time.
Got shortlisted for an award: This is EXTREMELY recent, nothing may come of it, and I don't think I can say which award yet (don't know the protocol for it), but I actually got shortlisted for something and I've been invited down to the ceremony next month. First awards ceremony of any kind I'll have attended in that capacity, which is insane.
Played a couple of really neat games: I know that sounds exceptionally trivial, but for me games are a part of my life and entertainment, and also part of my media/story intact. First, Baldur's Gate 3. For a long time I've wanted to have my own time with it, but my last Larian experience put me off their products...just, in toto. But I gave it a shot, and I actually completed it. Wrote a whole blog post about it. And I've decided to do a second playthrough and try to take it easier and not let it impact my work...as much. Hopefully. Seriously it's a real time sink. Second was Atelier Lulua: The Scion of Arland, which was a delightfully cozy if deceptively deep experience that informed something that I'll detail further down.
Reduced my news intake: That may be misleading, but it's more along the lines of "Get my news from reliable and undramatic sources, and don't stress over them too much." The world right now is terrible. The United States' current leadership is attempting regress the country at record speed, the people of the Near East are suffering en masse at the hands of their governments, and Ukraine is still partially occupied and in the middle of a war. So I needed to filter some stuff out, stop checking certain sites, but also not cut myself off from everything. It was for the sake of my mental health, and I think it's working.
Started a new fantasy project: Trust me, I've got LOADS of stuff in the pipeline with my publisher, maybe too much, but I wanted to write something that would distract me from the everything everywhere all at once going on right now. And I decided on a cosy fantasy inspired by the chill vibes of Atelier Lulua and the rest of its series. The music of Atelier has been one of my go-to writing aids for this project alongside the soundtrack for Frierin: Beyond Journey's End. The premise is a practitioner of "transmutation" (an art combining "magia" with real-world aspects of alchemy) teaching an unlikely apprentice as part of a challenge. Also, I named my lead Khemia. She's a dragon. And I didn't realise until yesterday that I named her after a part of the Greek origin of the term alchemy: khēmía.
Perhaps started a sci-fi project: This one's still a little wobbly, but I also wanted it to be lighter in message if not in outright tone. This one is set in a possible alternate history 1912 where alien species arrived on Earth thirty years before and are well into the process of integrating, granting humans new technology and exposing them to a wider range of social norms. As for why I chose 1912? Well, it's part of the belle epoch of Europe, a time of great change in other parts of the world and...something else happened that maybe can be used to differentiate this timeline from our own.
Aaaand that's it. I hope you enjoyed this summary, found some measure of encouragement that things can be done, and that you will press on and find comfort and courage. Deep down, I do think we can survive these times. It's just difficult to see the end of the tunnel when blocked by obese bodies or overinflated egos.
It's all in the title, and all for your enjoyment and cringe. The next episode of my one-person podcast Author Talks is now live, and it's very different from what I've done before. It's a 50-ish minute summary of my writing journey with both extracts of my earlier work (yikes...) and a preview of my upcoming Cluster Cycle book The Murderer's Lament (yay!). The episode is available on YouTube and Spotify, so if you can put up with my narration and some musical interludes/background music that seemed appropriate, then do enjoy. No-one shall expose my early cringe...as I've already done it myself!
(Note: Due to this blog's...quirks, I've needed to create text-based links for both versions.)
Last year, I did a thing. On each day of June (aka Pride Month), for thirty days, I highlighted a creator of fiction--principally writers/novellists but that varied a little here and there--who was confirmed to be on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. This year, I've decided to do it again. Only this time, I'm going to be a little broader. I'm going to include authors (but not the same authors that were featured in either the social media posts or the round-up blog post at year's end), and composers and artists and others I feel a worth trumpeting in a month of variety that (despite what Google might want you to think) is very much real and very much still important.
So, here are my ground rules, which are mostly the same as last year but include some extra little bits potentially.
Rule 1: The creatives in question need to be confirmed either through their own words/actions, or personal anecdotes, to be on the rainbow spectrum. That means some figures with question marks over their head will not be counted. There may be some compelling evidence surrounding these people, but there's no confirmation about it and it's still a debated topic. It similarly rules out straight creators who wrote LGBTQIA+ characters. I may well miss some creatives that could have been better included on the list, and if so I apologise. Also, if you're wondering why some are not on here, check out last year's post which is both the main 30 I chose, and some named honourable mentions.
Rule 2: I'm going to try and provide a mixture of authors/creatives from across time periods. It would be surprisingly easy to go for a lot of classic and mostly now-dead creatives, but that would be too easy. Also it would be doing a disservice to multiple current creatives. I also hope to get a descent amount of BIPOC creators into it, so it can be shown it's not just whites who fall along the spectrum.
Rule 3: Unlike last year, where I restricted the list to authors and novellists and writers and the like, this year has no such restriction, and if anything will mainly focus on creatives in other fields. But I also don't want to go for the big and obvious names. So you may think "Where's Lady Gaga?", and I say "That's too easy." I want people who may still be well known, but aren't in your face all the time. I also will still be focusing on creatives, so don't expect a huge amount of theatrical performers on the list. Again, you might ask "Where's Ian McKellan?", and to that I say, "Plenty of lists exist for theatrical and film/television performers already."
Rule 4: A short rule, but simple. Some of the added breadth means I might end up accidentally including two creators who worked on one project or all projects together. I don't want the same names to be repeated all the time. This isn't to diminish their impact, but I want diversity in subject as well as representation in gender, sexuality and nationality.
Rule 5: I will try and say positive in general, but due to the fact this will be dealing with LGBTQIA+ figures from across history, some element of sadness or tragedy will inevitably make its way in. That, for the moment, is just the reality of things. Especially in the 19th and 20th Centuries when the terms and classifications became solidified, and consequently there was a set identity to discriminate against and criminalise.
After the 30 days, specifically on 6 July, I will be publishing a blog post bringing together slightly fuller textual versions of all the creatives I talked about. I may even have some honourable mentions which either don't fully fit the criteria, or have extenuating circumstances. Like last year, this may all crash and burn. But I hope it doesn't, and that I can contribute to the visibility of demongraphics that are under renewed attack from politicians, the media, and public figures.
So, here's to Pride Month. Hopefully we don't have a war in the middle of it all.
Massive warning. This is a post that will cover the story content of Baldur's Gate 3 in its entirety as far as my playthrough is concerned, so there will be constant and unrepentant spoilers for Baldur's Gate 3 in general, and the Dark Urge route in particular.
So, in April, I bought Baldur's Gate 3, the famous title developed by Larian Studios as a follow-up to two legendary titles with turn-based and dice-role stat-focused gameplay inspired by "Fifth Edition Ruleset" of Dungeons & Dragons. It also boasts a story set squarely within the lands of Faerun and the Sword Coast. And recently, through a bad bout of COVID, I had a chance to finish it.
Baldur's Gate 3 is good. I don't think people need reminding of that. I was extremely wary of getting it as my previous Larian Studios experience was with Divinity: Original Sin 2, which has a late-game difficulty spike (or perhaps overhanging cliff is a better visual metaphor) that dances wildly over the line into being cruel and unfair rather than challenging. But after much research and consideration, I dived in. And I chose a Dark Urge character, making them a male Dragonborn bard called Cai.
Meet Cai, dragonborn, hailing from Baldur's Gate, a Bard of some skill who wields dual swords and powerful magic. Has violent urges but is currently undergoing on-the-road therapy. Would like to meet attractive if impulsive and potentially explosive wizard. Monogamy tolerable.
I won't say this game's for everyone, it isn't. But it's remarkably approachable. I'm not that good at Tactical or CRPGs, but I was finding ways of completely monstering enemies. There were obviously gameplay moments that had me either reeling with laughter or tensing up or wanting to break something; barely passing a saving role that got me an unexpected ally, dodging attacks with a sliver of health left, hitting what I'll call "Larian moments" in Act 3 when some encounters turned from challenging to rather unfair, reactioning a half-spider to death, using my bard/wizard combo to obliterate a boss in three turns flat, blabbing a potential boss into killing himself, getting utterly lost more than once trying to find a darned place and perhaps going inside the wrong/unintended way, almost being killed more than once by tough bosses. You know, the things you do sometimes.
But the main experience I had was during this story, a stronger experience than I ever expected as I've spoiled myself on most of the major story beats and a lot of aspects of how a Dark Urge (hereafter Durge) run can go. During my 80+ hour first playthrough to not become a brain-eating soulless mindflayer, I successfully saved a druid grove while guiding tiefling refugees to safety (although I met a bard from their group and killed her in a trance in her sleep so whoops), liberated lands from a curse of shadow while reuniting a literal lesbian power couple, defeated a swamp hag (twice), accidentally left people to die in a burning building, accidentally let people die in an undersea prison, was unable to stop people dying in a factory, and stood up to gods and demons and soulless brain-eating monsters from across dimensions. And all without needing mods, a massive improvement over my previous Larian experience.
The story is actually pretty simple. Standard D&D fare even, and due to its very Tolkien-like style I don't tend to gravitate towards D&D proper. It's the characters that make the journey more than worthwhile.
As a writer myself, I tend to be hyper critical of characters, and I also tend to gravitate towards people that some others in the community are more than happy to disregard or turn into punching bags. See my liking for the cast of Final Fantasy XIII, which until recent reassessments was an easy target for being torn to shreds by fans who just want yet another Final Fantasy VII. I quickly had a thronging camp with their own historical and emotional baggage that they wouldn't always tell me about without some prodding and exploration. The mysterious Sharan cleric Shadowheart, the charismatic if sometimes pathetic Gale Dekarios of Waterdeep, Lae'zel the Githyanki warrior with a well protected heart of gold, the adorable yet explosive tiefling Karlach, Halsin who is okay I guess, the genuinely heartbreaking Jaheira, Minsc who I don't have any nostalgia for and seemed very one-note, the vampire Astarion who makes me want to stab him in half his interactions, and Wyll who is practically no-one.
This: one of the best scenes in the game. Period. So much emotion.
With the exceptions of Wyll and Minsc, I grew fond of the entire cast. Karlach is just adorable and surprisingly tragic, Lae'zel has a genuinely compelling growth arc into someone who could rebel against her tyrannical queen, Shadowheart's narrative is both empowering and sombre, and Gale is personable enough both within and outside his magical affliction arc that he's the character I decided from the outset that I wanted to romance. Even Astarion changed from a tolerated presence due to useful gameplay into a compelling and haunting take on the vampire archetype. Jaheira had strong old mentor whose seen one too many things vibes, especially as in earlier Baldur's Gate titles she had travelled with a person very like Durge, so had some historical baggage to unpack. Wyll will always be very weak even with his subplot of a demon contract he made to save his city which led to banishment, but it is interesting that you can let him choose whether he accepts the mantle of Grand Duke or remains a wandering swordsman, probably his only show of agency in the entire game. Completely wasted potential. Minsc is...eh, why was he included? I mean really, why? I don't even find him funny.
But most importantly and surprisingly, I loved Durge as a character (at least in the narrative route I chose to take). They may be a glorified customizable character in form, but in function they have a huge personal arc about their origins as Bhaalspawn, a pureblood child of Bhaal, Lord of Murder and one of the malicious Dead Three. There was a genuinely tense moment where I needed to make a Wisdom check to stop Cai from killing Gale in his sleep. It felt like Cai, a broken amnesiac saddled with a gory destiny by a malevolent god, would find a kindred spirit in a magician who was abandoned by his divine lover. I just felt right. And it culminated at the end with an option where Cai could accept Gale's marriage proposal and say he could have a "true family" at last.
The antagonists, at least while playing as a Durge, are also very compelling. Human agents for the Dead Three dubbed the Chosen, they each have some surprisingly deep and fitting storylines, although you do need to go hunting at times. Ketheric Thorme is a man broken by tragedy who turned to the Bone Lord Myrkul and became his puppet. Enver Gortash was sold as a magical slave to a warlock, and formed a pact with Bane, Lord of Darkness, and became a powerful power broker and politician. Orin, a shapeshifter and murderous psychopath, has a deeply disturbing backstory that I won't describe in detail, but it's little wonder she is so unbalanced, and so jealous of her Bhaalspawn sibling--aka Durge--that she is responsible for their current mindflayer infection, their amnesia, and usurping their place as Bhaal's Chosen. Each Chosen holds a sinister grip over their realms, either through dark sorcery, financial and military might, or old-fashioned terror tactics.
The most tense and non-annoying moment in Act 3, when the Durge's Bhaalspawn origin is confirmed, was when Cai confronted Orin in Bhaal's temple. Orin had been popping up repeatedly using vessels to taunt and test Cai, and finally kidnapped Lae'zel. Honestly, I was completely taken off guard by this, as whoever is kidnapped is random. I'm glad I reloaded and actually won the fight, as the alternative of losing but still "winning" is frankly terrifying. That I successfully defeated Orin and defied Bhaal was a huge narrative rush. It's very well written and the performances in-game both in terms of voice and motion capture are truly compelling. Just sad we couldn't see more from Gale (or any other romanced character) about Cai's sudden temporary death before being revived by another figure who is probably a god but won't confirm one way or the other.
The Durge who seeks redemption and forgiveness fits in with a lot of the arcs in the story. Halsin and Wyll's (hideously underwritten) respective paths are to correct perceived unfinished business, Shadowheart and Gale can go on journeys to break away from divine will, Astarion's whole story is about either escaping an abusive relationship or being broken by it into pursuing power at any cost, while Karlach, Lae'zel and Jaheira are focused on loss and betrayal. Minsc is....Minsc, in as much as he has barely anything and I don't know why so many people like him. That my Durge Cai would help them, steer them away from self-destructive or false paths, would be there no matter what even if it was with some scathing remarks, and create a found family to surpass his bloodline, seemed only right and natural.
The proportions are super off and I decided Cai was kinda into leather, but this is a wholesome scene, I promise.
Something I do like, but wasn't expecting to, is the "Emperor", aka a Mindflayer with free will, aka the Dream Visitor, aka Balduren, founder of Baldur's Gate and both lover and murderer of the dragon Ansur. I can see why a lot of people would hate him, although the game does its best to have him be a sympathetic figure. Even all but forcing you into a "romantic" interlude. I won't say he's truly sympathetic, but I also don't think of him entirely as a villain. In the strictest sense, he never truly "lied", but he did omit swathes of his past to present himself in a flattering way. You can forgive him for that, but I decided that Cai wouldn't trust any mysterious authority figure further than he could gut them, so their relationship remained cautious and antagonistic. It ultimately felt like the Emperor was a tragic figure, someone corrupted by his turn into being a Mindflayer, who lost most or all personal connection over time, and when we turn against him in the end checks out. Some might describe him as toxic, but I think that depends. I saw him as manipulative, but ultimately pathetic and really clingy. Killing him felt like a mercy at the end.
Speaking of which, the ending was...wow. And also hard to get at times as I was going a specific route, and even at max level with some overpowered abilities, I needed to watch it with fighters like the vampire lord Cazador, the Steel Watch guardian Titan, the demon Raphael, Ethel the Hag in her ascended form, the now-zombie dragon Ansur, and of course the Netherbrain itself. And then at the harbour of Baldur's Gate, Cai convinced the mindflayer-turned Orpheus to keep on living and see his dream realised, watched Lae'zel fly away to a new war against the false god-queen Vlaa'kith with a final parting glance that showed real emotion, saw Astarion flee as the sun started to harm him again, saw Gale decide to give the Crown of Karthus to Mystra and begin a mortal life again, and persuaded Karlach to go with Wyll to Avernus to save her life. Then the epilogue, six months later, when everyone gathers anew. Everyone has found some measure of personal fulfilment; be it Shadowheart's quiet life with her rescued parents, Astarion becoming a shadowy avenger for good, or Karlach revealing a plan to repair her heart. Cai and Gale had made a peaceful life together, everyone was rebuilding or moving on or fighting for a cause of their choice. Their pasts no longer defined them. When Cai took the toast to his companions, "[his] true family", Withers made the final toast to everyone present, and everyone cheered, I had genuine feelings flowing through me.
*Down, Down, Down by the River...*
After that bit of high prose, I would also like to remember some moments that were just complete comedy gold. During one bit, Cai went to a disciple of Loviatar, the goddess of pain, and basically getting an extremely intense spanking session where all skill checks were first time. With Astarion and Shadowheart giving snarky commentary in the background. I knew Astarion would make comments from another player's stream archive, but Shadowheart just chimes in and they turn into a background double act. Some of Cai's Bardic responses, such as after interrupting a bugbear and an ogre mid-coitus, were also hysterical. Gale bringing up an erotic book in the middle of a shadow-cursed land is also funny because of its timing. And also flying around a door rather than opening it was so out of nowhere that I just cackled like a maniac.
And apropos of Gale, somehow Cai gave Halsin the hots for him and I ended up in a brief love triangle situation where I had to put Halsin off, talk with Gale about it, then politely turn Halsin down as Gale didn't want a menage a troi. Also Cai had to refuse the Emperor's advances, gently avoid raising the topic with Lae'zel who was clearly attracted to him, deflect the attentions of a pair of courtesans at Wyrm's Crossing, literally fight off a Cambion in the House of Hope-- Seriously, was Cai stolen from the crib of Sune or something because everyone's thirsty for him. If I hadn't been going a monogamous route with Gale, I'd have ended up with a harem by the end.
Also, readers should bear in mind this is just my one playthrough on one story path, where I chose a particular ending to go for. There are Durge endings where they can embrace their path or simply go insane. There are the other "Origin" characters, AKA the rest of the cast barring Halsin, Jahiera and what's his name again, oh right Minsc. Then there are the custom characters, who are generally nicknamed "Tav", though why I'm not sure. But these all feel like they miss a lot of the story context which makes the antagonists and the final sequences so rich and filled with payoff. It feels like a Durge defying their nature is the "canon" playthrough, with others being non- or semi-canon alternatives like Bards telling different versions of the story over time.
So, after all that, what did I do? Well, I decided to uninstall the game. I will certainly play through it again in some form, but not immediately, and probably not for some time to come. I need time to pass, I need to play/watch/experience something else. But I won't ever forget my own journey through the lands of Faerun. The friends I made, the enemies I felled, the stories I began or ended, the hope I sowed, the fate I defied, the times I had.
Good night, sweet ones. And in the words of the Game Master...
