A Christmas Fable

The original title page from
Mirth without Mischief. Ah, fun times.

'Your Royal Highness, with the greatest respect, what the devil are you thinking?!'
'I don't know what you mean.'

'I mean this ridiculous list of gifts for your betrothed.'

The King took the message from his chamberlain and examined its contents. 'I see nothing wrong with it.'

'Nothing wrong with it?! You're joking, of course.'

'No, I'm not joking. My love deserves all this and more. It's her right, as the future queen.'

'But she's-'

'If you're about to say "not of royal stock", this conversation is over.'

'It's not that. It's what you've chosen to sent her given the size of her house.'

'What about the size of the house?'

'My lord, she lives in an apartment in the city. How can you possibly fit twelve lords, eleven ladies, ten drummers, nine pipers, eight milkmaids, seven swans, six geese, five rings, four colly birds, three hens, two doves and - I don't know why you chose this - a game bird in a tree.'

'It's "partridge" in a "pear tree".'

'I know what you intended. But wouldn't anyone else just send... Flowers? A cake? A piece of jewellery? Something like that?'

'That's what others do. I don't do that. I honour tradition. And tradition says... Actually tradition says I send her escalating gifts in the days leading up to Christmas. Maybe I could-'

'NO!'

The chamberlain almost fainted at the logistics behind it. His fevered imagination saw twelve lords carrying trees and partridges, 22 ladies with a turtle dove each, 30 French hens squawking to the drummers' beat, 36 colly birds perching on the pipers' instruments, 40 rings on the hands of milkmaids, and 42 geese and swans wandering amongst the throng. The noise alone would shake the rafters. He shuddered to think of anyone hearing about this extraordinary gift.

And at that moment, the court musician was listening outside the door, and drew a similar conclusion. He grinned. This would make a great Christmas ballad.


A Merry Christmas to one and all!